Keyblade tango
by butterchicken
Summary: The kingdom hearts girls tell the story of how they murdered their husbands. pairings are a surprise ;) song, of course, is cell block tango.


The keyblade tango

Bonjour. i got a break from my apprenticeship, and decided to post this. enjoy, note. i own nothing. all credit goes to Kingdom Hearts and Chicago.

The stage was set: six doors were lined, each with a word on it. The council of Disney Castle was watching the performance. Finally, the music began. The first door was thrown open, and Naminè stepped out.

"Pop!" she spat out.

The second door opened, and Xion arrived.

"Six." She continued, a look of distaste on her face

"Squish." Larxene continued with a look of triumph.

"Uh-uh!" a terrified Olette continued, looking like she was going to cry.

"Cicero." Aqua added.

"Lipschitz." Kairi finished.

The six girls began dancing, as Riku stepped onstage.

"And now," he began, "the six merry murderesses of the Disney Castle jail, and their rendition of the Keyblade Tango."

With that, he stepped offstage, and the girls continued.

"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

Then they got up and began singing in unison

He had it coming, he had it coming  
>He only had himself to blame<br>If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
>I betcha you would have done the same<p>

"Pop!"

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

The girls all parted at that, and Naminé took center stage

You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Roxas. Roxas like to chew gum, no, not chew, Pop! So, I come home this one day, And I'm really irritated, and I'm looking for a little sympathy, and there's Roxas. Layin' on the couch, drinking a beer, and chewin', no, not chewin', poppin! So, I said to him, I said to him, "you pop that gum one more time…" and he did So I took the shotgun off the wall And I fired two warning shots… into his head

The girls all took the stage and sang again.

He had it coming, he had it coming  
>He only had himself to blame<br>If you had been there, if you had heard it. I bet ya, you would have done the same.

This time, Xion took stage.

I met Vanitas Borg from Salt Lake city about two years ago  
>And he told me he was single and we hit it off right away<br>So, we started living together  
>He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.<br>And then I found out, single he told me, single, my ass!  
>Not only was he married, oh no, he had six wives<br>One of those Mormons, you know

So that night, when he came home from work  
>I fixed him his drink as usual<br>You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic

The girls all began again.

He had it coming, he had it coming  
>He took a flower in its prime<br>And then he used it and he abused it  
>It was a murder but not a crime<p>

Now it was Larxene's turn. She took out her knife and began twirling it while telling her story.

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen  
>Carvin' up the chicken for dinner Minding my own business<br>And in storms my husband Axel in a jealous rage  
>"You been screwin' Marluxia"<p>

He says, he was crazy, and he kept sayin'  
>"You been screwin the Marluxia"<br>Then he ran into my knife  
>He ran into my knife ten times<p>

The girls all jumped forward and continued.

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
>I betcha you would have done the same<p>

At this point, Aqua pushed an almost sobbing Olette forward and cast a spell which brought up subtitles.

How did I find myself here? They say Pence held down Hayner and I cut his head off But it's not true. I am innocent. I don't know why Seifer says I did it. I tried to explain at the police station but they didn't understand

"But did you do it?" Queen Minnie gently asked  
>"Uh uh, not guilty!" Olette cried<p>

Sighing, Aqua pushed her back and took her place.

My sister, Cinderella and I had this double act  
>And my husband, Terra traveled around with us<br>Now, for the last number in our act  
>We did 20 acrobatic tricks in our world<p>

One two three four five, splits, spread eagles  
>Flip flops, back flips, one right after the other<br>Well, this one night before the show, down in the hotel Cicero

The three of us  
>Boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice<br>So I go out to get some

I come back, open the door  
>And there's Cinderella and Terra<br>Doing number seventeen, the spread eagle

Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out  
>I can't remember a thing, it wasn't until later<br>When I was washing the blood off my hands  
>I even knew they were dead<p>

They had it coming, they had it coming  
>They had it coming all along<br>I didn't do it, but if I'd done it  
>How could you tell me that I was wrong?<p>

They had it coming, they had it coming  
>They had it coming all along<br>I didn't do it, but if I'd done it  
>How could you tell me that I was wrong?<p>

Finally, Kairi took the stage.

I loved Sora Lipschitz more then I could possibly say, he was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter  
>But he was always trying to find himself<br>He go out every night looking for himself  
>And on the way, he found Ariel, Alice, Wendy and Ventus<p>

I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences  
>He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead<p>

At that, all the girls stepped forward and continued, with their moves

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
>The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum<p>

They had it comin', they had it comin'  
>They had it comin' all along<br>'Cause if they used us and they abused us  
>How could they tell us that we were wrong?<p>

He had it coming, he had it coming  
>He only had himself to blame<br>If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
>I betcha you would have done the same<p>

As the music died down, the girls began whispering again.

You pop that gum one more time  
>Single my ass<br>Ten times

I don't know why Seifer says I did it  
>Number seventeen, the spread eagle<br>Artistic differences

Finally, the girls went back behind the door, whispering their key words one last time:  
>"Pop!"<p>

"Six."

"Squish."

"Uh-uh!"

"Cicero."

"Lipschitz."

Once the music ended, the council was in a roar of applause. As the girls came out and did their bows, as they were lead away in handcuffs


End file.
